the more and more i observe my thoughts i cant believe what a hypocrite i can be. recently i was driving and i saw a girl who just looking at annoyed me. she was driving crappy and her sunglasses were really ugly. less than two nano seconds later i saw a different girl who i know from yoga and the art of living and i smiled and my mood shifted instantly from annoyed/judgemental to loving. but the truth is i dont even know the girl who made me smile...other than the fact i see her weekly at meditation/yoga. ive prob exchaged less than 100 words wirh her in my entire life. and the girl who annoyed me...i have no clue what type of person she is....but because i was in a bad mood i really didnt like her. and just because i recognized the other girl from yoga i assumed that she is likeable and worthy. its horrible.
another one that is really bizzare...is lately when i see someone with a disability my heart swells with compassion, patience and love. then i can turn around and think horrible thoughts on someone who looks completley normal...just because they rub me the wrong way...or are doing something that i consider not ok or not what i personally agree with or like.
i really hate that i do this. i can act so rude to the ones who are closest to me...and love me so much...but then be so nice to someone who could care less about me. why? why is this?
i hate it. it the nature of the mind to judge. all humans do it. we need it for survival...but its interesting when you observe how harshly you judge and why you judge. just on observation. i am not going to change over night. but at least i am aware.
why is it so easy to love those who we dont know. yet when it comes to loving the ones who need us it can be so trying?
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